Good Morning,
Last week the question was asked to give the feeling that has been the most difficult while you are grieving. As you will shortly read, the emotion that many people find difficult during grief is anger. This is an emotion that can be so hard to control especially when it is out of character for you. At this point a grief counselor can really help. All you have to do is pick up the phone and call TAPS and we can connect you with a counselor who will help with this confusing emotion as well as the others that survivors have shared this week.
Another way to help with emotions is by reading. Many people find that reading a long book is difficult especially in the early months of grief, so I have included a book with short sections that was reviewed in a TAPS magazine and you might find it helpful along with the counseling. A review from Amazon.com is included below so you can get an idea of the content.
As always, thank you to all of those who shared this week. The question for next week is: What are you doing to keep you physically and mentally healthy? I look forward to reading your comments and sharing them with our group of survivors.
Hugs,
Carol

A Guide for the Bereaved Survivor by Robert Baugher
Review from Amazon.com - “If you are looking for a basic Grief 101 book, this 58-page guide is for you. On each even-numbered page is a brief description of a grief reaction (denial, shock, guilt, anger). One each facing page is a list of suggestions for that reaction. This book is especially helpful to the bereaved person who desires grief information without a great deal of reading. Many readers order additional copies to give away.”
From Mary-Ann:
The feeling that ties into the grief process that is the most difficult for me to deal with is that of anger. I had always been an easy going, happy go lucky type of person prior to the loss of our Blake. Now I find I get upset over little things that in the past I would not have let bother me so much. I absolutely HATE to see his last name spelled incorrectly and the local paper from day one has done it over and over even though they have been corrected many times by many people.
Nothing seems to bother me more than when they "so call" honor our military by remembering our fallen heroes on holidays. They splash his picture and article with his name spelled wrong all over the page! You would think they would show enough respect for him and his family to at least get the name right! Am I wrong to feel that way? Maybe so but that is the way it hits me. It affects me in a number of ways anger toward them, my nerves get jumpy and jittery and my stomach starts hurting. It seems to bother me more and more as time goes on. I guess since they have been corrected so many times by so many.
I keep reminding myself that we all make mistakes and that I'm not the best speller either. I just want to be the easy going fun loving person I used to be but it’s been a long hard road getting back to that. I just keep trying my best and hope and pray that the day will come that I will return to the easy going person I once was. I hate feeling hateful or ugly in any way. It makes me feel guilty for feeling that way. It's not the real me and not the person I want to be!
From Linda:
The hardest emotion for me to cope with is anger.  Quite often I feel very angry towards my son as well as my husband.  I question how both of them could do something so selfish and cause so much pain for the people they left behind.  I get mad because my life is turned upside down and I know that it will never be the same or even “normal” again.  Along with the anger, I feel guilty that a mother and wife could feel this way about her loved ones.  It seems like a vicious circle and even though it has been less than a year since I lost my son, it feels like a lifetime.  There are not very many moments when my son and husband are not on my mind.  I lost them both and now I am the one that is lost.
As far as making myself feel better when these emotions take over, I try to keep myself busy and change my train of thought (easier said than done).  My counselor says that I keep putting these feelings in “the closet”, which in my case, is over flowing, and that I am not dealing with the issue.  For now, this IS how I am dealing.
From Frank:
ANGER. That has been the one thing that has caused me so many problems. I get angry over the stupidest stuff. I have the overwhelming feeling of rage. It is scary. Yet, ask me what I am angry about, and I have no answer. I hope that time will heal this.
From Kitty:
The initial sobbing grief was the hardest; [I know we're not to talk religion] but it was for my son's soul (eternal resting place: heaven or hell). I wasn't at peace until I spoke with his chaplain and officers he served under. They assured me that without a doubt, he had made peace with his God. That message was so comforting. My hardcore grief was over. It was a time to celebrate and share his life for the American hero that he was. It has been a rewarding journey with the assistance of TAPS.
From Leslie:
I try to handle my grief quietly and bravely as I have another son who is suffering from the loss of his brother. I lost my eldest son just a little over 1 1/2 years ago. When the grief is overwhelming I go for a ride in my car and scream and cry till I have nothing left. (From Carol: Linda also gave these ideas to help with the emotions.)
·         I have dedicated my piano recitals to my son.
·         I will be buying a bench and tree to dedicate to my son.
·         I talk about him.
But my heart aches as I believe it will for the rest of my life. But I function and do it well.