Saturday Morning Message: Take Good Care

Good Morning,

This is the first Saturday Morning Message for 2019, so it seemed appropriate to put a picture of a clock counting down to the new year. In an article written by Betsy Beard titled "A Year Without My Loved One In It," she lists 10 resolutions that might be appropriate for a grieving person. This week survivors shared what they are going to do to take care of themselves in the new year and how their lives have changed. After reading their responses, take a bit of time to sit quietly and think about what you might like to do.

Hugs,
Carol Lane
Mother of Bryon

Question for Next Week’s Saturday Morning Message 

Annette, mother of Joseph, sent the question this week. Annette wrote, “I was speaking to a friend about dentists as my dentist is so expensive. I mentioned that I had a great dentist for years and after Joe died I just could not go back. I am really not sure, but probably had to do with the fact that I didn’t want to go through the story or deal with the “look” on their faces. My friend asked me if others had similar experiences.” So, let’s answer Annette’s question: Are there places you used to go that you now avoid after the death of your loved one? We look forward to your responses. 

Would you like to share a question or read how other survivors respond to a topic or question you have? I would love to gather some thoughts for future Saturday Morning Messages. It can be helpful to read and hear how others cope. I encourage you to reply to the Saturday Morning Message by emailing online@taps.org. I directly receive all responses that are sent to this address. In order to have your reply included in the next week’s message, it is best to send your answers to me by Tuesday morning of the following week. Thank you to everyone responding this week and those who read this message.

♫ Song for the Week

The song this week comes from Bonnie Jo, mother of Andrew. It is called "Time In A Bottle" in this version sung by Jim Croce. Bonnie Jo writes, "This is a timeless song that envelops true love for everyone who hears it. It has no place or time and holds so many memories for all of us, young or old."

You can send me favorite songs for this song of the week section at online@taps.org.

ANSWERS FROM SURVIVORS

Responses from Survivors to last week’s question: What have you done recently or what do you plan to do to take care of yourself?

From Sheryl, mother of Adam: One way I'm taking care of myself is to be an intentional extrovert. Naturally, I'm very quiet and retiring. When I moved to a new town a year ago, I purposefully introduced myself to people and struck up conversations. I now have group of friends who are very supportive and who I can support. I hosted a Winter Solstice supper for a few of them. Something I had never done outside of family. Adam would be happy that I have good friends.

From Barb, mother of David: One thing I do to take care of myself is strive for quiet time. I have learned that I need it and too much "social" time overwhelms me. I do like to be with people, but not all day, every day. It also helps for me to limit my time with people that tend to stress me out.

From Leslie, mother of Eugene: To take care of myself I swim. I am lucky to live in an apartment building where there is an indoor pool and outdoor pools. It’s exercise as well as social.

My husband and I plan to spend our birthdays in March/April on a cruise in the Caribbean. We need some down time.

From Winona, wife of Clifford and mother of Tamara: I reached out and asked a friend for help last week following a meltdown over losses of my husband, Cliff, and recently my daughter, Tamara. For those of you who know me, I'm usually busy taking care of those around me and find it difficult to reach out. My friend Elly came over right away with a bottle of wine under her arm ready to listen. She asked what she could do for me and to my surprise I answered, "Help me wrap all these gifts!" After a good laugh we spent the rest of the evening wrapping presents and talking. I have learned I need to reach out for help more often. It was good for my soul and my friend felt like she made a difference in my life!

From Essie, mother of Tysheena: I take care of myself by prayer and drive. Whether it be just going to work or getting my medical needs for myself and my family met. God is the head of my household and I know prayers are answered every day. Also, I talk about Tysheena on a daily basis. This helps in my healing and makes it easier for me to cope with losing her. I post pictures of her, remember birthdays, special occasions, and other things she did to make us laugh and fond memories of things she did in general. Although she is absent from the body, Tysheena is present in spirit here with us. I find the holidays are most difficult, because it’s her favorite time of year, but we push through and keep busy going to visit family and just going on with life. We are a close-knit family so we lean on one another for strength and comfort outside of God. God bless you all and have a safe and prosperous New Year.

From Laura, wife of Kyle: This will sound silly, but in my journal, I wrote about "what I have learned" in the past six months as Kyle was my mate, the person who knew the good, bad and ugly, and we were partners. The word triggers make me cry and laugh as he was part of the Army Criminal Investigation Command and a federal agent. I wrote a list of special things he did for me that no one would believe as a "cop" and I have learned to do them myself:

• There is a spot by my nose that I always miss putting my makeup on, and he would touch it up. Now I do that for myself.
• I had to buy my own day planner as he always loved Staples and kept me up to date. He would leave notes in there. I know you can use computers, but that is big deal. It also made me sad as I have to leave this past year with all the hospitalizations, appointments and things done for Kyle.
• I have to buy my own socks. Kyle bought socks for me every time he went somewhere. I laugh as now my socks are awful.
• Even the music I listen to is different. He listened to warrior songs like "Five Finger Death Punch," which reminds me of TAPS.
• I walk every day.
• For Christmas, I returned to where I first met him and went back to our early years....and you were correct I did laugh before I cried as Christmas was his season, not mine. 

If you would like to send a message thanking one or all of those who participated in this week’s Saturday Morning Message, send it to me at online@taps.org and I will make sure your thoughts are passed along to them.