Finding Our Way With Ford
Authors: Patty Stubenhofer , David El-Taher, Laura Rose Monk , Crystal Becker
So much life happens in cars. They carry us where we need to go — where we want to go. In them, we laugh, pep ourselves up for big days, and sing along to our favorite songs without inhibition. They are a part of first dates and first days of school; with their help, we bring home new puppies and new babies. On long drives, we share stories and snacks, nap deeply in the passenger seat, and endure badgering questions from the backseat: “Are we there yet?” Long-awaited hellos and dreaded goodbyes happen in cars. We retreat to the safety of our cars to cry, and they let us — hold us — until we recompose ourselves; then they carry us home. In our cars, we find our way.
In June of this year, several TAPS families had the opportunity to participate in the Ford Proud to Honor: Bronco Off-Roadeo event hosted by Ford Motor Company and Blue Star Families in the Texas Hill Country. This adventure driving school experience brought together Ford enthusiasts from across the military and veteran community, including our TAPS families whose loved ones had a special connection to their own Ford vehicle. These survivors took on the rugged terrain together — bonding and sharing even more incredible moments in a Bronco. Four Off-Roadeo participants from TAPS shared stories of their special Ford and dearly missed fallen hero whose memory brought them to the event.
The Family of Mark Stubenhofer
By: Patty Stubenhofer, Surviving Spouse of CPT Mark N. Stubenhofer, U.S. Army
We have always been a Ford family. My very first car was a 1989 Ford Probe that I absolutely loved and only sold because it was too expensive to ship to our first duty station. Mark had a Ford Explorer when I married him in 1997. By the end of 2002 — after his first deployment, he got his dream truck, a Ford F-150 (with the sub-cab I required since we had two children by then). This Ford was — and still is — the most precious to us. Mark was so proud of that truck and drove it everywhere. He would sing about his truck with our son, Justin, in the backseat and promised him that it would someday be his.
Mark only got to drive his truck a few months before deploying a second time. While he was away, I covered it and cared for it so it was ready when he came home. And he did — he came home and hopped back behind the wheel of his F-150 until it came time for him to deploy a third time to Iraq. Once again, I covered it and kept up with it so it would be ready for his return, but Mark was killed in action during his third deployment, leaving us to care for “Daddy’s Truck,” as we have always called it. I could never bring myself to sell it, and it moved with me from Kansas to Virginia. Daddy’s Truck has always been much more than just a truck to our family. Our family grew up in that truck. It holds memories of Mark, and it always will.
Mark would have loved to attend the Bronco Off-Roadeo experience with us. I was, admittedly, a little nervous at first, but quickly overcame my nerves and enjoyed every part of the trail. Attending this event with Justin — who I don’t get to see often now that he’s in college. Watching him drive and take on the really challenging obstacles on the trail made the three-day event even more special.
We are still a Ford family — the ‘89 Probe, the Explorer, Daddy’s Truck, the Escape (my daughter Lauren’s first car), and the Mustang (Justin’s first car)...though I wouldn’t be surprised if his next car is a Bronco.
The Family of Patrick Stellitano
By: David J. El-Taher, Surviving Stepfather of Patrick Stellitano, U.S. Navy
Though he ran track and wrestled, Patrick was happiest when working on engines and restoring antique cars to their former glory. Prior to enlisting in the Navy in 2019, he worked for Vintage Auto Restoration in Union Bridge, Maryland. The oldest car he helped restore was a 1911 Ford Model A, and at the time of his passing, he was in the process of restoring a 1991 Mazda Miata. Though he was never able to see this project through, that car has since been restored.
When our son, U.S. Navy Airman Apprentice Patrick G. Stellitano, was killed on February 22, 2020, the Navy did an amazing job of taking care of our fractured family, answering questions, tending to all the details, and putting us in touch with amazing support organizations, including TAPS. I am not certain how we — as a family — would have survived this tragedy without the TAPS community.
My wife, Julie, and I recently had a wonderful experience courtesy of TAPS and the Proud to Honor program! We would like to thank TAPS and Ford Motor Company for their continued support for us and for those like us who have lost a loved one in the military. Excited to participate in an event alongside our peers at TAPS — an event Patrick would have loved, we traveled to Horseshoe Bay, Texas, where we immediately felt welcomed and honored to be there.
This was my first off-roading experience, but the instruction provided was top-notch and made it easy to focus on just enjoying the trail. The sense of community among all the participants was palpable, and we felt a personal connection to our hosts. It was incredible to learn how much Ford does to support both veterans and the families of the fallen.
Since Patrick passed away, our family has pursued meaningful ways to honor the life he lived. I recently finished restoring a replica Ford Shelby GT in his honor — a project that helped me feel connected to his memory and process my grief. We can’t thank Ford, Blue Star Families, and TAPS enough for the opportunity to pay tribute to Patrick and his love of cars.
The Family of Austin H. Monk
By: Laura Rose Monk, Surviving Spouse SPC Austin H. Monk, U.S. Army
Growing up in Philadelphia, I never had a reason to learn to drive; I never even considered getting a driver’s license. Even when my late husband, Austin, received orders to Fort Bragg in North Carolina, my mom assured me I’d be fine, “Just take the bus everywhere.” But, after realizing quickly that roughly 20 miles separated base and the neighboring town of Fayetteville, I knew it was time to learn to drive. I was 23 years old when I got my driver’s license.
At the time, Austin was a young PFC, and we did not have a lot of money. I remember first getting turned down for a car loan from Carmax and having to walk from Carmax back to our hotel before a nice man from Lafayette Ford was able to help us secure a loan on a 2005 Ford Focus.
I learned to drive in that Ford Focus. It was the car we rode away in after our wedding. We sat in that car to say our goodbyes in August of 2009 before Austin deployed to Iraq. I sat alone in that car sobbing after that goodbye. We brought our dog, Nanna, home in that car, and I drove that car back and forth from Chapel Hill while Austin received cancer treatment. I drove home in that car after I picked up Austin’s urn two weeks after he died.
As life has carried on, cars have come and gone — all Fords, no surprise, but that first car is still a part of my family. It belongs to my dad now. It’s been well-loved and has taken me and my family all over the country since 2009.
As I have gotten further in my grief journey, I feel more drawn to experiences that push me — hopping on a plane to explore a new place, flowing through river rapids, or off-roading in a Bronco. I attended the Off-Roadeo event with my nephew, Damien, who was 4 when Austin died. Damien and Austin were very close, and it’s become my goal to support him in any way I can. I am thankful we experienced this event alongside other surviving families and military families. For a moment, we were all just one group — together to honor heroes and enjoy a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
The Family of Shane Becker
By: Crystal Becker, Surviving Spouse of SSG Shane Becker, U.S. Army
Shane was a Ford Bronco fan long before we met. Early in our marriage, I often heard about the Bronco he had to part with when he joined the Army in 1993.
Well aware of his fondness for the car, I spotted an orange Ford Bronco while heading down a country road in Texas toward our lunch destination — where the owner made the absolute best chalupas. The Bronco was sitting on the outskirts of a ranch with a for-sale sign on it.
At the time, I had a 1974 Mustang — my birth year — that I’d purchased for $500 right out of high school. Over the years, I invested time and money to update the stereo system and upholstery — to clean it up and make it mine. We pulled up and discovered this Bronco’s “birth year” was 1971. Why shouldn’t we each have our favorite vehicle that also shares our birth year? We called the number on the for-sale sign and learned they only wanted $500 for the Bronco. We bought it, towed it home, and got to work.
At the time — with no kids and Shane working week-on, week-off in the oil field — we had ample opportunity to indulge in projects like his “new” Bronco. We got it running and began collecting the parts we needed.
Soon enough, we were expecting our first child, and the Bronco and Mustang took a back seat. Our air-conditioned truck became the go-to ride, but we continued working on both cars until September 2001, when the winds of change took us back to the U.S. Army. Taking a pay cut to reenlist, we parted with the Bronco (and my Mustang).
In the years since we lost Shane, I’ve dreamt of fixing up a Bronco with the girls, and I can’t tell you how much it meant to be a part of the Bronco: Off-Roadeo event — to adventure in a vehicle that Shane loved so much.
The day after Shane and I were married, I remember, somehow, feeling freer than I did before. It was unexpected — feeling freer with someone than by myself. I felt the same freedom off-roading in the Bronco with my girls. We have always been a tight-knit squad, and what a team we made exploring the Texas Hill Country in that Bronco together.
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TAPS is grateful to Ford Motor Company and Blue Star Families for sharing this incredible experience with surviving military and veteran families as a unique way to honor their heroes, alongside veterans and military families — friends and peers — from Team Rubicon, Travis Manion Foundation, and Guitars 4 Vets. This truly was the ride of a lifetime!
If your loved one has a special car connection, we would love to hear it and invite you to share your story.
Photos courtesy of Ford Motor Company, Blue Star Families, Becker Family, El-Taher Family, Stubenhofer Family and TAPS Archives.