Healing Tree

Last Christmas, when it was time to put up my tree, I did not want to decorate with my usual collection of ornaments — I wanted this tree to be special. I decided this tree would be a tribute to my son, SFC John-David Hilty, who died in Iraq on March 30, 2020, after 20 years of service to our country. 

I started by looking around my home to see what I might use to decorate what I came to call “My Healing Tree,” and I was amazed at all the dried flowers; flags; Army dog tags, bracelets, and ornaments; large blue bows; and even a patriotic corsage I found around my home. Some were displayed, others tucked away, but all of these things were gifts of love and support I received from family, friends, John-David’s fellow soldiers, and complete strangers since his death. The gifts just kept coming over the years.

Taking inventory of all of these keepsakes and mementos inspired me to part with things that had served their purpose of supporting me, like the dried flowers. I shared several of the flags with family and friends who also knew and loved John-David, and they were delighted to receive one of his many flags. 

I realized as I moved many of these items out of my home that it became easier to concentrate on my two grandchildren and my own wellness. 

Over the past four years, I’ve learned that each grieving person — each of us — heals in their own ways, in their own time. No one and nothing can hurry that process. We have to feel what we feel and take cues from our hearts. 

Many groups, including TAPS — whose calls, holiday messages, and opportunities for healing reminded me I was not alone — and three soldiers (who know who they are) played a part in my healing, never rushing the grief, but always empathizing, listening, and supporting. They helped me understand that my son’s service will never be forgotten, and they empower me still today as I prepare for another holiday season and reflect proudly on last year’s Healing Tree and my year of personal growth.

Sharon Hilty is the surviving mother of SFC John-David Hilty, U.S. Army.

Photos are courtesy of Sharon Hilty.