Kickin 2 Stay
Author: Jennifer Milling
Surviving Family Hosts a Kickball Tournament to Spread Suicide Awareness Following Their Own Loss
My father died by suicide on September 13, 2022, his grandson’s birthday. In the wake of this traumatic loss, we were left with so many unanswered questions — the swirling “why” questions, of course, but there were others. What were we supposed to do next? Who could help us? Who would direct us on this “new normal” path we were suddenly walking?
Unfortunately, in our small town, no one knew the answers to these questions. No one could direct us or guide us to the help we needed. We quickly learned that there weren’t many resources available for suicide-loss survivors. So, it was at this point in our story that we decided something had to change and we — Brian Milling’s family — would spark that change here in our town. We wanted to — needed to — help other families just like us and put resources together so we could help them minimize those swirling unanswered questions that follow a suicide loss.
Awareness and Kickball
Our family had something of a tradition of getting together every Sunday for a family dinner and a game of kickball. This tradition became the inspiration for the Kickin 2 Stay Suicide Awareness Kickball Tournament. It was a way to honor our father in a way that was unique to him and to our grieving family. Not only that, kickball is a sport for all ages, making it a family-friendly way to rally the community, bring awareness to suicide prevention, and give back to our local area — all proceeds raised return to the community for suicide prevention and postvention services.
While there has been progress in the discussion around suicide, leading to increased awareness and more honest, open dialogue about suicide prevention, we learned firsthand that there is still work to do to increase awareness, dialogue, and support around the survivors left to navigate life after a suicide.
Leading with our own experience and heartache, we are finding meaning after our loss by supporting families like ours — military-connected or not — and doing all we can to help them navigate the questions and unique grief of suicide loss.
Though we lost our father just two years ago, our efforts can be seen around our local area. Our informational brochures, printed in memory of Brian Milling, can be found throughout the cities of East Grand Forks, Minnesota, and Grand Forks, North Dakota. These brochures feature answers to some of those post-loss questions. We know it’s impossible to answer all the “why” questions for surviving suicide-loss families, but we shed light and share comfort every way that we can. The brochures also offer local contacts that families may need immediately after a suicide loss and mental health services that may save a life. We also offer national resources, like TAPS, so that suicide-loss survivors have every resource at their fingertips.
The brochures are just one piece of what we do. After a successful first annual tournament last year, we are proud to share that we will host the Second Annual Kickin 2 Stay Suicide Awareness Kickball Tournament on September 21, 2024, with the support of donations from local businesses that recognize the importance of what we’re doing and that truly make the event a success. September was a natural fit for this tournament. It’s the month we lost our father to suicide and the month our entire nation recognizes National Suicide Prevention Month. We hope that the awareness and conversation will continue to grow; we’ll be doing our part here.
TAPS Suicide Loss Support
If you are grieving the loss of someone in the military community to suicide, TAPS can support you with resources and peer support specific to your loss. You are not alone. Our suicide-loss programming and resources are accessible to you.
Jennifer Milling is the surviving daughter of SGT Brian Milling, U.S. Army Reserve Veteran
Photos: The Milling Family